“Sir, I hope I’m not being rude, but you look terrible.  You need a shave, and your eyes are really red.”

“Shut up.  Just grab me some more coffee and beat it.”

I  had been looking at photos for days on end.  Never have I been so aroused yet so disgusted in my life.  For every legitimate sex kitten I saw, there were countless trisexuals, polymorphs, androfiends, and worse.  I had a deadline damnit… I needed to get through this crap! Simple smut just won’t do.  Our readers expects quality!

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.  I’m just trying to make conversation.”

“Don’t. I’m busy.”  Damned interns.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that I have photos to sort out.  If she wasn’t working for free I’d fire her… wait… hold on a second.  Son of a bitch! How could I have been so blind?

“Hey, what’s your name?” I asked.

“Narja”

“Ever consider posing for Playboy?”

“Come on, playmates are gorgeous.  No way could I compete with them.”

“Yes or no.  I either take shots of you, or I don’t.  I have a deadline so what’s it gonna be?”

“Can I clean up first?” she asked.  “I need to run back to my apartment for a quick shower.”

Hmmm… shower… yessss…“We’ll shoot at your place.  Give me the address.”

- - - - - - -

Blown gasket! Damn this pile of crap! I should have known better than to buy a classic Pinto. Looks like I’m going to be late again. “TAXI!”

The door was slightly open when I got there.  I was in a rush so I pushed my way in without knocking.  Whoa! Was I in the wrong place? Through the smoky haze I saw tools and sex toys littering the floor.  Blue pills, yellow powder, drugs were everywhere.  The pounding music made my ears bleed.  Could this be a m0o trap? a set up? a sting? I’ll be damned if I was going to stick around to find out.  I’m gone… PEACE OUT!

A whip coiled around my throat as I ran for the door.  Between the crack of the whip and my losing consciousness, I remember hearing one thing:

“You’re ass is mine, pretty boy.”

- - - - - - -

I don’t remember ever having been in so much pain.  But a deadline is a deadline and I needed some pictures! When all was said and done, Narja reluctantly released me from my bonds only after I offered her 50,000 ISK to pose for our enjoyment.

“I’ll let you go for 55 on one condition: you keep our little escapade a secret.”

“DONE!”

With that, I snapped my photos, paid my debt, and got the hell out of there.  Note to self: run faster next time, jackass!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Miss July – NARJA!

Playboy Enterprises will deposit 50… errr, I mean 55,000 ISK into Narja’s account.

To our loyal discriminating readers out there, let me leave you with one universal truth: if it’s got tits or wheels, count on problems.

- - - - - - -

We will hold onto the photos we’ve received and use them to select Miss August.  Look for our next casting call later this month to get your pictures in if you have not already sent them.  Thanks to everyone for your submissions and patience.